Thursday, November 07, 2002

Wow, my life’s been utterly boring the past few days, man, mostly comprised of trying to chase down my license amongst the sheer ineptitude and incompetence of various government offices, reading lots of articles on film and comics, trying to finish some books and watching some dvds, being sick and sleeping too little. Good thing there’s a job lined up. Quark gave us Gamitan posters yesterday at Wednesday Group, but didn’t want to unroll the posters since we were in a public place, haha. Be proud of your porn, man! He’s recording commentary for the DVD as I type this, and if memory serves, Gamitan will be the first Pinoy DVD to have director’s commentary. History made yet again by It Boy! Alia’s moved her blog, and Carlo’s is down for some reason. Pat’s seems to have virally reproduced itself onto any number of host sites. Quark’s first class is on Monday for those who are planning to sit in (he’s showing Dancer in the Dark). I’ll be there to visit Sir Mark and Julia Goolia, and hopefully some Heightsers like Jeline and PJ, as well. Haven’t been back to Ateneo in a while, so I’m curious as to what it looks like now (I don’t count the bonfire because it was dark and raining so I didn’t see shit; the new cafeteria spooked the hell out of me, though). And Ate Cyn is back, yay!, and we’ll be seeing them tomorrow night. Gosh, I haven’t seen them since I was 21!

Why was I not born rich?! I want this and this and this and this.

Our yaya just handed me a bunch of my grade school notebooks, and they’re filled with bad drawings, all over the cover, inside front and back covers, and in the pages, too. No wonder I didn’t learn or remember anything. I’m sure Neva will have a field day with this. Better hide it.

I remember I loved to draw as a kid. Because I didn’t care it was bad. I was just bored, and wanted to draw, so I drew. You don’t have to analyze or intellectualize it, it was just an activity to pass the time. A lot of my old notebooks, I keep not for the lessons but for the doodles and writings I put in margins or in the back. That’s the most interesting stuff for me, what I was thinking and what fascinated me and what I did when I was bored as a boy.

I don’t draw anymore, because I realize I have no talent or patience for it. Once I started thinking about “good” art, my stuff just wouldn’t hold up and I resorted to writing and coming up with stories and am still at it, I guess. I really wish I knew how, though. I respect artists a great deal; it’s like magic to me, making this beautiful work from a blank canvas; something from nothing.

I used to look at the back of people’s notebooks and see what was there: if there were drawings, or writings unrelated to school or whatnot, I would consider that person cool, or at least interesting. If it was blank, then I would get the impression that the person was bland and uninteresting, concentrated on the lessons as he/she was. This has since been disproven by different people, but I remember that test.

Now I’m wondering what would I say to myself if I got to travel back in time and meet my grade school self? Probably give him all the winning lotto numbers through the years, Back to the Future-style.

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